Self-Plagiarism. Don't worry. It's legal. Somewhere.
1) I've been fighting a bout of discouragement in the last couple of weeks. I know God has called me to complete my master's degree, but getting there has had its significant low points. Keeping up with keeping on has been all things short of joyful. God is faithful. I must be faithful.2) I haven't blogged much because of the lack of time. And because I've lacked the emotional energy to face fears or reflections with typing fingers.
3) Last night, I re-read an multi-question essay I wrote a couple of years ago for a summer internship (which I didn't get btw). One part answered the personal question of "how has God called me?" It was a good reminder that God does work a path in your life and though there are bumps, that which is your heart's desire will remain because He has put it there. All things will work together for good to those who are the called according to His purpose. So in lieu of an original post, here is an excerpt from the essay.
At sixteen, I went through a questioning period where I was seeking God’s purpose for my life. I knew my chief end was to glorify God, but I did not how God was asking me specifically to glorify Him. At that time, God showed me Romans 9:17, which says, “For this very purpose have I raised you up, that I may show My power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth.” I claimed that verse as a promise that God did have a plan for me and that regardless of what vocation I chose, God would use me to declare His name where ever He placed me.
I have been told that God calls us by way of the talents He gives us. I knew God had given me a talent and an ear for music, specifically the piano, but answering the call to music has been one of the most difficult decisions I have had to make. Music was never exciting enough to me and I could not fathom how God could use me to declare His name in the music world. I struggled with why God had not called me to law, public policy, or some kind of political and social leadership role. I could not stop asking, “Why music?”
It has been an amazing experience to see how God works and how His calling will stay sure despite our hesitations. Even in my doubtful obedience to pursue music, God has increasingly shown me where I reside in His kingdom. Studying music at a secular university opened doors for me to see that music is not any less noble than law, but rather a unique kingdom realm that desperately needs truth and truthful examples of Christianity.
Through painful experiences, especially concerning the piano, God has given me further direction. The first three years of my undergraduate studies were spent tormented by external pressure to pursue performance and by the inner pressure of knowing that the performance lifestyle did not fit me, nor did it fulfill Romans 9:17 in my life. Deep in my heart, I knew that God wanted me to work with people and to be involved in changing minds and hearts. My desire was to see truth prevail, even in the musical world.
As I look ahead to my future, I still do not know what God is going to do with me or how He will use me. I do know that for now teaching piano is a rewarding way to fulfill one aspect of His calling. Through my teaching experiences so far, I have seen the kind of ministry I have available to reach piano students. I believe that music is inseparable from heart issues and often teaching can be better defined as mentoring or counseling, rather than mere instructing. It is my prayer that God will continue to use me and teaching piano to help turn hearts toward Him, until He shows me a different side of my calling.
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