1.31.2007

Book of the Week

Thank you, Lauren Winner!

Finally! An informed, Biblical, and intellectual look at marriage, sex, chastity, and singlehood. And to ice the cake, it’s written by a Christian woman who can write without using clichés or addressing her audience as, “Dear Beloved Reader.” (Oh, gag me now!)

Thank you, Ms. Winner, for being a breath of fresh air in the dusty old library of relationship literature!

Winner’s insight is rooted in having a properly Biblical and foundational understanding about the body, marriage, relationships, and the church, and on every point she hits the target. One of the most refreshing aspects of Winner’s writing (loved Girl Meets God!) is her brutal and transparent honesty, not only about the mistakes she’s made in the past, but also in pointing out problems within the church.

There are many Christian books written on the topic (no I haven’t read all of them, but I’ve read enough sappy “love waits” books to feel ill) and what makes Winner’s book different is her completely Biblical starting point. As she herself says, too often Christians compartmentalize sex, marriage, relationships, etc., and that it ends up in a list of do’s and don’ts without telling why. According to Winner, a Christian girl isn’t going to resist her boyfriend’s advances just because someone once told her that the Bible says “no,” and then showed her the reference verse to prove it. Rather, the girl’s choice will be influenced by her understanding of how God has created her body, why He created sex and what purpose He gave it, and how this particular moment in her life will influence her eternity.

Winner argues for the role of community in relationships and sex. She battles the world’s mindset that the bedroom is personal business by advocating the Christian duty to accountability. She claims that not talking about sex within the church is damaging to chastity. The church, she says, is the center of our community, and that it should be active in instruction, communication, and protection. As she says, “the church serves as narrator, reminding ourselves who we are, and why we do what we do.”

Winner also makes the brave statement that chastity is not a natural condition. God made us to be sexual people, but chastity is required in order to protect marital sex (what she calls real sex, hence the title). Therefore, chastity is a discipline. And as with other spiritual disciplines, it’s not always easy and it takes effort. She rightly reminds us that no discipline should ever be motivated by results (“I’ll practice abstinence so I’m more attractive to Mr. Right, whenever he gets here,”) but rather, everything and anything we do is motivated by the desire to conform ourselves, physically and spiritually, to the call of the Gospel and to be the persons we’re supposed to be before God.

The viewpoint she gives on singleness is equally refreshing, mostly because she reiterates that marital status has no affect on the universal need to live faithfully. Pursuing a righteous and holy life should be foremost in anyone’s priority. (Also refreshing is her questioning of the relevancy/appropriateness/accuracy of the “call to life-long singleness.”) The church should be asking its singles not, “Who are you dating?” or, “So where’s Mr. Right?” which only pressures them, but rather should be encouraging them by asking, “How is God calling you to be faithful now as you are?”

Again, relishing the fresh air…

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8 Comments:

At Thursday, February 01, 2007 1:30:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was wondering if you have heard about the Lauren Winner book The Voice of Matthew? I saw it at www.hearthevoice.com. You can download the 1st chapter for free. It was interesting to see a book of the Bible translated by someone with a Jewish history like Lauren, who like you say, does not resort to Christian cliches. As another Lauren fan I think you will enjoy it.

h.d.

 
At Saturday, February 03, 2007 11:05:00 AM, Blogger Amy K said...

That's awesome you got through it so fast! I'm about 2/3 of the way through, going on my sixth week of reading it. Baby steps, baby steps ...

But, I agree, it's a great book. I did have some issues with how she explains things in the section on Lies the World Tells. I even had Kevin read several paragraphs and both of us were puzzled as to the practical implications of what she was saying and what the heck she really meant. She was really vague and didn't give any examples. Otherwise, though, I think it's a good book and she makes good points that other people/books fail to make.

 
At Saturday, February 03, 2007 11:05:00 AM, Blogger Amy K said...

That's awesome you got through it so fast! I'm about 2/3 of the way through, going on my sixth week of reading it. Baby steps, baby steps ...

But, I agree, it's a great book. I did have some issues with how she explains things in the section on Lies the World Tells. I even had Kevin read several paragraphs and both of us were puzzled as to the practical implications of what she was saying and what the heck she really meant. She was really vague and didn't give any examples. Otherwise, though, I think it's a good book and she makes good points that other people/books fail to make.

 
At Saturday, February 03, 2007 11:06:00 AM, Blogger Amy K said...

That's awesome you got through it so fast! I'm about 2/3 of the way through, going on my sixth week of reading it. Baby steps, baby steps ...

But, I agree, it's a great book. I did have some issues with how she explains things in the section on Lies the World Tells. I even had Kevin read several paragraphs and both of us were puzzled as to the practical implications of what she was saying and what the heck she really meant. She was really vague and didn't give any examples. Otherwise, though, I think it's a good book and she makes good points that other people/books fail to make.

 
At Saturday, February 03, 2007 11:07:00 AM, Blogger Amy K said...

That's awesome you got through it so fast! I'm about 2/3 of the way through, going on my sixth week of reading it. Baby steps, baby steps ...

But, I agree, it's a great book. I did have some issues with how she explains things in the section on Lies the World Tells. I even had Kevin read several paragraphs and both of us were puzzled as to the practical implications of what she was saying and what the heck she really meant. She was really vague and didn't give any examples. Otherwise, though, I think it's a good book and she makes good points that other people/books fail to make.

 
At Saturday, February 03, 2007 11:07:00 AM, Blogger Amy K said...

That's awesome you got through it so fast! I'm about 2/3 of the way through, going on my sixth week of reading it. Baby steps, baby steps ...

But, I agree, it's a great book. I did have some issues with how she explains things in the section on Lies the World Tells. I even had Kevin read several paragraphs and both of us were puzzled as to the practical implications of what she was saying and what the heck she really meant. She was really vague and didn't give any examples. Otherwise, though, I think it's a good book and she makes good points that other people/books fail to make.

 
At Saturday, February 03, 2007 1:03:00 PM, Blogger Amy K said...

Oh my word! Shannon, I don't see a "trash bin" for me to erase all the duplicate comments. Can you do that? Sorry - I was having technical difficulties over here. :-P

 
At Wednesday, February 07, 2007 1:06:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just have to tell you that I read that book almost 2 years ago now, and I loved it too...I found it to be so refreshing and down to earth. I'm glad you liked it too!
-Esther (Magill) Crane

 

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